It was early on that I wanted to write something about the Diamond Sutra, but has been delay (if I could write it early, and use this as an opportunity to read the Diamond Sutra again, may not happen so many things later). This article cannot be written when my heart is confused, cannot be written when my mind is quiet, and cannot be written when I was upset. Over the past year or so, many things have happened and I have written a little bit of content and modified it several times. At last the full text is unobstructed. But leave this trace as a reflection of the mood at this time.
In the year of the senior year, I passed the post-graduate entrance examination. My friend T was admitted to East China Normal University, which was the only one in our class that was admitted to 985 school. Because he chose not to study mathematics, he was accepted into the management major. At the time, he was hesitant to read. On the one hand, he had a great programming skill and could get a good income if he went to work directly. In turn, because undergraduates are already majoring in management, he do not want to choose the same majors at the graduate level. He prefers to take technical direction, such as computer. At the same time, the competition pressure of Shanghai is great. He is also the eldest son in his family. The support that the family can give is limited, it is too difficult to stay in the Magic City. At that time, I told him that the Diamond Sutra says “They should develop a mind which does not abide in anything. “ This is also where you mind abide in anything—not at the level that the Buddha said, but nostalgia too much, always want to abide, so you can not abide everywhere, so you can’t stay anywhere—you were discomposure. I advise him to take things as they come. If you give up a general 211 school admission, then I will not say anything. But after all, it is 985. You may wish not to consider so much for the time being. Let’s study hard first. Cross the bridge when we get to it.
At that time I thought I had established a perfect world views and methodology. Undergraduate, hastily three years, I deeply feel that reading less. A lot of energy has been spent on trivial reading and entertainment. There are few quality readings, especially classic reading. At the same time, I am about to enter the society. I feel that I should read some philosophy books and improve my world views. At that time, since I had already had my thoughts in my mind, naturally there was a calculation. First, hope is that the content of the book is classic, and it is not a bug juice like the success. Second, I don’t have much time and I hope that the contents of the book should not be too long. Based on this, it is also a coincidence. The Zen classic “Diamond Sutra” was selected and read together with Nan Huaijin’s “What the Diamond Sutra says”.
There is no phase in the Diamond Sutra, and the phrase “Everything with form is unreal” really frees everything and sees everything. “How should their minds abide and how should they be subdued?” two questions and two answers roughly divided the text into two parts. I felt that I had established my belief after death. But I’m still too young and too naive. After all, I was not attached, how to be detached. I thought that I couldn’t care a lot of things. I thought I could see things without distinction.
My friend, Y is a very good memory person, but because of this, he is often in a sub-health state of mind. Perhaps this is the so-called god is fair, one aspect of excellence must be on the other hand flawed. He has good memory and can remember many things, so he is also more sensitive than ordinary people. He often finds all sorts of things that are related to one thing and then comes up with many things. He loves her girlfriend very much, but the emotions are easily affected. According to his girlfriend’s feedback, his emotions fluctuate greatly.
We talked about many times and talked about many things. We talked about the growth experience, the world views, the standard of spouse selection and the ideal of life. However, after experiencing in-depth exchanges, even if I shared my flaws and fears, I still found that I could not help him to escape from the devil.
Words may have the power to strike the mind, but they are always weak.
He said that perhaps only death can be liberation. But I think that a man who is free to look at life and death, he may be a wise man, or a maniac. Finally, I reluctantly told him that you may only gain strength from family and affinity. He said that his family did not understand him enough and could only hope for her girlfriend. “May times be gentle with you.”I can only send such a blessing.
When the graduate students first started, the feelings of the four people in our dormitory were excellent. Classes and meals must be together. To be honest, I was not so close to my roommate at the time of my undergraduate studies. We all start together, take up seats together, and go to the cafeteria together. Including the usual outside play or activity is also confined to this small group. Among roommates M, I think he is like me. The first time I had such an idea, I asked him why he did not go to a better school for graduate studies—he is recommended postgraduate. He said that his English is not good. He passed the CET-4 very hard. I can understand this mood. My undergraduate course is also spending almost all of my time on the CET-4 exam. I participate every time. but get the result that thank you for participating everytime. I am not ignorant of the importance of English, I have seen some chicken soup such as the following sentence
When I was 15 years old, I thought it was difficult to swim and I gave up swimming. When I met someone you liked at age 18 and asked you to go swimming, you had to say, “I can’t do yeah.” When I was 18 years old, I found it difficult to learn English and gave up my English. At 28, I had a great job but I must to work in English. You had to say, “I won’t be yeah.” The more you are troubled in the early stages of life, the more you are too lazy to learn, and the more likely you are to miss the people and things that make you tempted and miss new scenery.
– Kevin Tsai “Kevin, Good Faith Message to the Cruel Society”
But this is an example that I personally saw a living example close to myself, because partial subjects, limited by their own abilities, cannot make better choices at an important turning point in life. Of course, apart from this experience, I think we are introverted, not sociable, urbanite. There was more than a month, every time he back to the dormitory are furrowed brow, I asked him how, he said, his most recent task is very heavy, besides to do their own scientific research tasks, but also help girl live in the same master in doing the experiment, he felt very tired. I can’t do it. I said to him, if you are not interested to her, you may as well talk about it. If you are interested to her, then showcase with her. He said he did not know, he wanted to wait and see, he wanted to wait, just want to silently guard. I said, ask your own heart, the answer in your heart, are you afraid of regretting in the future? The material condition of your family is not bad. If your spiritual world fits, you can pursue her. Some things have a result. Whether good or bad. Anyway, don’t be a sweet guy.
On the third day, after a meal together, on the way back, he suddenly laughed. I asked him, uh, he said he figured it out. I deliberately asked: Give up ? No, he said, I decided to pursue without regret. I wish him well. I hope he can succeed and hope that his love will have a good result. At the same time, my other roommates have begun to fall in love.
Maybe it is a herd mentality, watching the roommate one by one to step out of pursuit, I also want to fall in love. To tell the truth, in fact, I didn’t think about this for four years. In the past two years, I still don’t know what will happen in the future. After two years preparing for the post-graduate entrance examination, I wouldn’t even think about it. I don’t want to be casual. I want to find someone who can support me.
During that time, I felt very depressed and I had never been able to find the right method for my studies. At that time，in the end of the lesson, I needed to prepare for the review. Sometimes I still have to listen to Y to help him solve the problem. I’m a little envious of my roommates. They all have someone who can be trusted. After a brief contact, I found that the girl I was interested in was not interested in me. At the same time, the roommates’ love affair was not smooth. My two other roommates liked the same girl, but the confession was rejected. Roommate M did not get along well with her girlfriend. The word of “love” hurt man most deeply. It was the same when he was alone before or confession after. Suddenly, I was afraid that the relationship between the dormitory would be lighter and I would be afraid of my future.
During the winter vacation, when I searched for information about my job in future, I found that the civil service position that my family recommended to me was not very good and there are many restrictions in the future. At that moment, my heart was completely chaotic. Indeed, the material conditions of my family are fairly good, but these are my parents’ creation after all. In the future, I need have the skills to build myself. The disorderly mind produce erroneous view and then erroneous behaviors.
From beginningless time until now, all beings have mistaken themselves for phenomena and, having lost sight of their original mind, are influenced by phenomena, and end up having the scope of their observations defined by boundaries large and small.
– Surangama Sutra
I was wrong. In fact, people and people are still different. I put myself in the position of my friend to deduce my future. I admit that I am a person who is afraid of pain. I am a bit conservative. I am a person who needs an example. However, I was worried about my future after seeing the frustrations of my roommates and listening to my friend Y. I find my mental state is not enough. It’s hard to come to a conclusion without a lot of experience. I found out that I can’t cheer up at a lot of things. During the winter vacation, I began to read The Tao Te Ching. I hope to get some help from Taoist “natural” thoughts.
When I was in agony, classmate T sent me a word.
Not chaotic, not trapped in love.– Feng Zikai,”Be yourself life”
I told Y that I do not believe in fate. I believe that the future is in my own hands. Yesterday, the various things that I experienced have brought me to this day, and all the things I do today shape the future of me.
Neither the past, the present nor the future mind can be found.
Although the “What the Diamond Sutra says” has repeatedly stressed “Diamond Sutra” do not talk about “formless”, but I still try to “empty” in the case of problems. So as to generate empty view.Empty view generate empty persistent， apprentice. Fortunately, I do not lack love. I am very grateful to my family and friends for their support and confidence in my confusion, and to thank them for answering my doubts.
By coincidence, I reread the Diamond Sutra and I also read some information on the Internet. I found that the method of “how should it be subdued” , In addition “should thus abide”, there are “protection your ideas well”. Take good care of your heart and mind, and take good care of your own thoughts. After this year’s school started, I started to work regularly and started exercising. I didn’t read books well in my college years and my ability to write was significantly degraded. I have seen a suggestion on how to effectively absorb knowledge, which is to export by yourself it again. So the idea of running this personal blog has also sprouted. A website of your own, you can put something you want to say, whether it is a little inspiration, or cranky. Although the writing style is not very good, I will continue to work hard to make the website more substantial. Now that I have thoughts and directions, I should strive to be better myself. No matter website or life, do your best and God will take care of the rest.
**BEHOLD: ** Looking at the sky, but seeking a glimpse of the sky. Don’t dare to observe all the laws of the world, but only to understand my mind.
